You have a kid, you better be around

So one of the main reasons that I started this blog was because I had no real idea what I was going to face with a little guy on the way. Sure there was the lack of internet material related to men raising children (really the lack of ANY material), but the biggest problem I had was the distance with my dad. In a generation where divorce rates have gone up this is probably an issue many of us have had to face. So I figured I would share my story and hopefully it helps.

Now I want to preface this by saying its not like I had a tough childhood, because I really didn't. In fact my childhood was a very good one, full of love and fun times. That being said I didn't have the "idyllic" childhood that people often think of. When I was in middle school my dad started to drink at a pretty good rate and, by high school, he was a full blown alcoholic.

The main issue that I had was not the fact that he was a drunk, that was his choice. My main issue was the effect that it had on my brother and I. I felt like I had to jump up into the "man of the house" role, which I was most certainly not ready for at 15. I became someone for my mom to talk to and readily accepted the thought of being the "responsible" man in the house.

Readily accepted or not it was not my job to do that. I still went out with friends and had a grand old time, but always in my head there were worries. " Would we have enough money to get the things we needed?Would we have to go bail him out..again? Would everything turn out ok?" After a while I learned to deal with them and moved on, but even now they run through my head.

There were fights and there were times I was kicked out of the house. It always seemed to work itself out in the end, but that doesn't mean it didn't leave its mark. Humans are made to adapt and that's what I did. I structured my life by going to a paramilitary school. I learned to compartmentalize my thoughts and deal with my issues in a very black and white way.

It doesn't matter what their problem is (alcohol, drugs, gambling, work) it always comes down to one thing, greed. Now many would disagree and say that the first three are a disease and that many fathers work to make sure their kid has a good life. I would say thats baloney, its all about greed.

Do not force your children to pick up your slack. Your the parent and its your responsibility to take care of the kids, not the other way around. Think before you do things, not only about yourself, but about them. It is unfair to force a child to shoulder the burden of an adult, they will be there soon enough so give them a childhood.

The best thing that a father (or mother) can provide for their child is themselves. Yea money is great and so is stuff, but you are the real thing the baby needs. So take the time to watch a sports game, play house/trucks/dolls, and just hang out with your kid. 'You will be amazed at the things you will learn about them and yourself.