Telling your Parents

So far in our pregnancy there has been one part that both of us have had the most issues (but also the most excitement) about doing....Telling our parents.

Now a little background on our parents:

My parents are split up with my brother living with my mom and my dad living by himself.

MW's parents are together with 5 kids still at home ranging from 8-22 years old.

Neither of these situations makes for the easiest pass of information between everyone. When we started out the first person we told was not our parents, it was one of our work friends. Being the sharing people that we are, MW and I couldn't wait to tell people. Telling your parents seems like such a big task when facing it, while telling a couple good friends may be much easier. It is ok to tell someone else before your parents, don't feel bad about.

That being said you need to tell your parents in a pretty speedy manor. Below is a brief synopsis of how we told our parents.

Luckily my mom had wanted to get together for a couple of weeks so we picked a weekend and agreed to meet for food and the football game. After about an hour of small talk we decided we really needed to tell her, so we did. Simple as that. We said we have something to tell you and poof it was done. This seemed the most direct and simple way to let her know.

We tried to take the same approach with MW's parents, but the logistics of getting both parents alone with 5 kids in the house is daunting. After playing phone tag for 2 or 3 weeks it came to the point where MW had to tell her mother over the phone. This may not be the first option for most, but that doesn't mean it isn't the best. After speaking with her mom we finally nailed down a date where we could tell her dad in person and talk about how amazing it was.

My dad was a different matter all together. Because I don't see him all that often getting a hold of him, even on the phone, proved to be very difficult. He had changed his phone number and hadn't told us yet, so I kept getting a disconnected message. It ended up that after about 3 or 4 months we had to get in touch with my aunt (who we adore so it wasn't a big deal). After we had dinner and told my aunt she made sure my dad got back to me in a timely manner.

Now what did we learn from this long, drawn out process? (like I said my dad didn't know until around 4 months) We learned that telling people is the greatest/most nerve wracking thing we had to do up until that point. Below is a small list of things we learned that may help

• Don't worry about it--Having to wait so long in between telling our parents was nerve wracking. Sometimes parents are elated, sometimes they are a bit shook up, and usually they just want to go and tell someone themselves. After you give them some time to get used to the news lay some ground rules. Give them a schedule and a date of when they can tell people themselves. In my case there was no way I was going to wait to get a hold of my dad, once MW's parents knew then we gave them the go ahead. Try and tell your parents as close together as possible, that way you cut down on the jealous "you told x first??" attitude(luckily we had none of that)
• You are in charge-- For many people this is a new thing. You are completely in charge of this situation. Your parents can have their opinions, but they don't mean beans unless you decide they do. If you want to tell a friend before them do it, and if they are the jealous type you don't need to tell them. Listen to their advice, but if you don't like something say "thank you", go home and don't worry about it. You can do what you want. That being said parents are a wonderful resource so don't dismiss everything they say before taking a look at it.
• Do not tell them names you are thinking of-- To me this was a bit of an eye opener. Parents don't always think before they talk and often times you get a "you can't use that name" kind of look/statement. Well forget them, its your baby name it what you want. Don't listen to the hoopla from them, it's you and your partners decision.

• Listen to your body before you listen to your parents--At this point I would like to say that, beyond EMT training, I have had no medical training. That being said your body isn't stupid, it knows what it needs. You listen to your parents and doctors, but often times not your body. Eat what your body tells you and don't feel bad about it. Now obviously that doesn't mean eat an entire cow or a small field of cocoa, but don't doubt yourself. If you have a question use your parents and your doctor. USE BOTH, you may be surprised at the difference you hear.

This is only a short list and a brief overview of what happened when we told our parents. Please if you have questions, comments, whatever let me know. MW and I were engaged for two years before we got married and pregnant, so we know how families can be. Ev