Daddy hormones...yes those are out of whack too!

One of the stereotypical things associated with pregnancy is the changes (sometimes drastic changes) in the mother to be's hormones. People seem to think that most woman are walking time bombs ready to go off at any minute. Luckily for my, that has not been the case with MW. She has only had one little freak out and has been a champ her entire pregnancy so far. She has also gone out of her way to make sure that my hormones are recognized too. Yes gentleman, your hormones will run wild as well.

Often ignored, the hormones of men change during pregnancy as well. It is not all the same types of hormones as woman, but often there is a similar result. Men can get very needy/nervous/hyper and often times are overlooked during pregnancy. Hormones in men are often something that people, especially the men experiencing them, pretend don't exist. This makes dealing with them even more difficult as they do not want to accept they may be acting out of the ordinary.

Because of the perception of mens hormones there seems to be little advice regarding them. It seems to be unacceptable for guys to act hormonal in society, so guys you and your partners need to figure this out.

The best way I have seen in dealing with hormones in anyone is understanding. By knowing yourself and knowing your partner you can tell when something is off. When you have that good base understanding of each other it is much easier to deal with hormones. And guys just accept you have hormones and get on with it. It has nothing to do with being manly, without hormones you wouldn't be alive!

Be understanding! Should hormones be an excuse for acting like an ass, no they shouldn't. However the whole idea of a relationship is understanding that sometimes right and wrong are not what matters. There have been plenty of times where I am raging about something and MW brings me out for some buffalo wings, despite the fact I am the one being ridiculous. You just need to do your best to keep your hormones in line and reciprocate when your partners hormones are out of whack. Guys is it really going to hurt you to watch Chocolate or something like that if your lady wants it?

There is no point to being in a relationship without that kind of understanding. Your significant other is supposed to be your right hand person, not someone you pick fights with all the time! Remember to treat yourself and your partner well. Take care of yourself and don't feel bad about doing something you like!

What's not to love about a registry?

In my experience registry, whether it be a baby or wedding registry, is stereotypically a female job. The thought is that the ladies like to shop and are much better than us. That's a silly thought for many reasons, here are the two biggest I have run into: Knowledge base and excitement level. Let me explain

I love babies, always have. That being said it has been quite a long time since I have had any type of baby in my immediate family. Yes I had had cousins and 2nd cousins, but you really don't see all of the stuff that is involved when you see them at holidays. When MW and I went to babies are us to start thinking about our registry I was completely in awe at the amount of things I had never even heard of, let alone seen. There were many different types of bottles, changing tables, strollers (with and without a built in removable car seat), bumpers, feeding towels etc. At first it was a bit overwhelming, but just think of it like you would any kind of hobby, there are hundreds of neat little things you can get to make life easier. MW was very patient and walked around the entire store introducing and explaining new and interesting baby materials.

Guys why would you not want to be a part of this? This is your excuse to act like a kid and explore. Pick things up, pull them, push them find out how they work. That is the way to become familiar with all of these different things that you will be using over the next couple of years. Find someone knowledgeable (in this case MW is the oldest of 6, enough said) and have at it. PLEASE view this as something that you should be involved in! This is one of the activities that are not only fun, but will give you valuable info on all the random toys and devices you didn't even know existed.

If push comes to shove and you still don't want to do the registry it will make your wife/girlfriend happy, so go. Maybe she will even let you use the little scan gun and you can run around pretending your fighting Nazi's or something.

Telling your Parents

So far in our pregnancy there has been one part that both of us have had the most issues (but also the most excitement) about doing....Telling our parents.

Now a little background on our parents:

My parents are split up with my brother living with my mom and my dad living by himself.

MW's parents are together with 5 kids still at home ranging from 8-22 years old.

Neither of these situations makes for the easiest pass of information between everyone. When we started out the first person we told was not our parents, it was one of our work friends. Being the sharing people that we are, MW and I couldn't wait to tell people. Telling your parents seems like such a big task when facing it, while telling a couple good friends may be much easier. It is ok to tell someone else before your parents, don't feel bad about.

That being said you need to tell your parents in a pretty speedy manor. Below is a brief synopsis of how we told our parents.

Luckily my mom had wanted to get together for a couple of weeks so we picked a weekend and agreed to meet for food and the football game. After about an hour of small talk we decided we really needed to tell her, so we did. Simple as that. We said we have something to tell you and poof it was done. This seemed the most direct and simple way to let her know.

We tried to take the same approach with MW's parents, but the logistics of getting both parents alone with 5 kids in the house is daunting. After playing phone tag for 2 or 3 weeks it came to the point where MW had to tell her mother over the phone. This may not be the first option for most, but that doesn't mean it isn't the best. After speaking with her mom we finally nailed down a date where we could tell her dad in person and talk about how amazing it was.

My dad was a different matter all together. Because I don't see him all that often getting a hold of him, even on the phone, proved to be very difficult. He had changed his phone number and hadn't told us yet, so I kept getting a disconnected message. It ended up that after about 3 or 4 months we had to get in touch with my aunt (who we adore so it wasn't a big deal). After we had dinner and told my aunt she made sure my dad got back to me in a timely manner.

Now what did we learn from this long, drawn out process? (like I said my dad didn't know until around 4 months) We learned that telling people is the greatest/most nerve wracking thing we had to do up until that point. Below is a small list of things we learned that may help

• Don't worry about it--Having to wait so long in between telling our parents was nerve wracking. Sometimes parents are elated, sometimes they are a bit shook up, and usually they just want to go and tell someone themselves. After you give them some time to get used to the news lay some ground rules. Give them a schedule and a date of when they can tell people themselves. In my case there was no way I was going to wait to get a hold of my dad, once MW's parents knew then we gave them the go ahead. Try and tell your parents as close together as possible, that way you cut down on the jealous "you told x first??" attitude(luckily we had none of that)
• You are in charge-- For many people this is a new thing. You are completely in charge of this situation. Your parents can have their opinions, but they don't mean beans unless you decide they do. If you want to tell a friend before them do it, and if they are the jealous type you don't need to tell them. Listen to their advice, but if you don't like something say "thank you", go home and don't worry about it. You can do what you want. That being said parents are a wonderful resource so don't dismiss everything they say before taking a look at it.
• Do not tell them names you are thinking of-- To me this was a bit of an eye opener. Parents don't always think before they talk and often times you get a "you can't use that name" kind of look/statement. Well forget them, its your baby name it what you want. Don't listen to the hoopla from them, it's you and your partners decision.

• Listen to your body before you listen to your parents--At this point I would like to say that, beyond EMT training, I have had no medical training. That being said your body isn't stupid, it knows what it needs. You listen to your parents and doctors, but often times not your body. Eat what your body tells you and don't feel bad about it. Now obviously that doesn't mean eat an entire cow or a small field of cocoa, but don't doubt yourself. If you have a question use your parents and your doctor. USE BOTH, you may be surprised at the difference you hear.

This is only a short list and a brief overview of what happened when we told our parents. Please if you have questions, comments, whatever let me know. MW and I were engaged for two years before we got married and pregnant, so we know how families can be. Ev

Finding out the sex

Although mentioned in an earlier post I figured that finding out the sex of your lil buddy is probably deserving of its own post!

"Do you want to know the sex?" this question shouldn't be a question that takes you by surprise. I am going to tell you right that at your 19-22 week appointment they are going to ask you that exact question. So talk about it. Now the thing I want to stress is that just because I say talk about it doesn't mean that you have to decide it the first time you talk about. If anything you should take some time and talk it over a couple of times.

For myself and MW we always just assumed that we would find out. We did talk about it a couple of times and finally decided that we wanted to know what our baby would be. To us the technology was there, why not use it. I am not going to lie it was amazing to find out, but also be prepared for a bit of a let down. Going from two possibilities to one a little bit of disapointment is expected. That being said don't worry about it. Just because you are a bit sad that you don't have two possibilities doesn't mean you aren't super excited to have one definite! In our case its a boy!

The thing that I cannot stress enough is communication take the time to think things over by yourself and talk to your partner. Relax you have plenty of time to figure things out!

My first reaction

So the best place to start is the beginning.

Let me set the scene. It was early-mid January when a large snow storm hit Boston. Both myself and MW's (my darling wife) work had been cancelled due to the blizzard. As I sit lay on the bed watching some tv MW drops a bomb..... "I'm going to take a pregnancy test, ok?" ( Side note, MW's says we had been discussing, I seemed to have misplaced that in my memory) Before the test was even done, we had our answer. "Well maybe that test was broken." Another test later we again had our answer. Also just fyi I was not pregnant, pregnancy tests apparently come in 3 packs.

The first emotion wasn't really an emotion at all, it was just numbness. We hadn't been trying to get pregnant, but at the same time we had discussed it before. The only thing that crossed my mind was: ok, is MW ok?

I asked her and she looked at me incredulously, seemingly thinking the same about me. After the initial shock we sat down and talked. This is KEY.

As I said in my previous post communication is the key. Panicking (although it happens and is normal) doesn't help anyone. By sitting down and talking about what we were feeling we came to grips very quickly. You are both freaked out, so remember to support your partner and let them support you.

Men especially are notorious for being the "big tough guy" Yea I get it, you're buff, now shut up and relax. No one is 100% put together after they hear the good news, even if you are trying for it. Its nerve wracking to find out you will be a father/mother.

At this point the best advice I can give is to relax, watch a movie or listen to music, and just be with your partner. You can talk if you want to, but I felt it took a long time for the news to set in and for me to wrap my mind around what was going on. In our case MW and I scraped 2 feet of snow off our cars and cooked breakfast before we sat down and had a legit serious conversation.

Most of that day was spent alternating between sitting on the couch, cuddling on the couch, or putting as much space between each other on the couch as possible. We even went so far as to watch a documentary on the human body, with a whole section on pregnancy. Just remember that if you feel confused and scared than they feel just as confused and scared. Its stupid to say that you and your partner are going through the same feelings and thoughts, but communication is the key. Sit, talk, cry, laugh and let what happens happen. When you get to the end you will be much more able to form a coherent plan, at this point worry about yourselves and then move on from there.

Welcome aboard

Welcome aboard the good blog, Pregnancy: The Final Frontier, my name is Chris and I will be your captain for today.

I started this blog when my wife, the lovely MW from Thinking, and I found out that we were pregnant. We are due August 27th and this will be our first baby! Obviously it is a big shock to find out that you are expecting, especially when you were not necessarily trying, so I turned to the internet for advice. Alas it doesn't seem that men are really thought about in the process of pregnancy. I found lots of stuff geared towards moms to be (henceforth known as MTB's) ranging from what to expect to how to deal with obnoxious mother in laws, but us Dad to be's (DTB's) were kind of left out to sea by ourselves. So I decided I would try and give all those interested a view into the process for myself.

I am not really positive in what direction the blog will go, but I do know that this is not a guy-only blog. It is impossible to separate MTB's and DTB's so lets get that off straight out. If you think all roles are separate and defined than you are in trouble my friend. The whole idea of parenthood (and really any relationship in general) is compromise and communication. Yes teamwork is great and there are a list of others that make the top 10, but the most important two are compromise and communication. I want all points of view here so I will link to feminist websits, pro daddy websites (if I find any good ones), science blogs, and any other good reference I find.

So this is my thought process and we will see where it goes from here. Please feel free to comment or ask questions!