How to deal with unwanted/unsolicited advice

Unsolicited advice has been the most annoying/aggravating thing about having a baby.  People seem to become a know at all when it comes to children (even if they don't have any, although parents are the worst)

MW and I have had a couple of times where we sit back and say "What?"  The best way that we have found to deal with unsolicited advice is pretty simple.  Assess what the person has to say and if you don't like it don't worry about it.  You aren't going to stop people from giving you advice.

Take what you think is good from this advice and assimilate into your parenting style, everything else throw on the garbage heap.  Try not take this advice personally (I should be one to talk) and just move on.  You have plenty of things to be upset about and it is easier to just ignore people.

Don't feel pressured or anything like that.  It doesn't matter if its a stranger on the street or your own mother (our parents have been good about not giving tons of unwanted advice)  You are the parent now.  Be confident in what you are doing, discuss with your parent and enjoy your baby!

Bath time is one of the funniest experiences I have ever had (Right)




(below) JW in his high chair, playing with some toys!

First time to another state/travel with an infant

For Thanksgiving this year we MW, JW and our friend the Sailing foodie headed up to Vermont for some holiday fun.  Every year for the past couple years Thanksgiving has been a holiday that we have kept mainly to ourselves.  I think its really nice to have a holiday that you can do something un-family related.  Family is great, but there is a lot of family around this time of year, especially when all three of our birthdays are right around the end of summer/beginning of fall.

Anyway this was the first time that young JW has traveled anywhere farther than Reading.  It was a little bit nerve wracking to know that we would be traveling the day before thanksgiving with a 3 month old, but away we went.  Travel for us was EXTREMELY easy (because our baby is freaking awesome).  He woke up once on the way up, but we jsut stopped and feed him and he was content to sit in his car seat and play for the remaining 30-40 minutes.  On the way home he made the entire time!

There are a couple of things that I would recommend to bring with you for these trips, also a couple that I would say leave at home... 

Must have

3-4 bottles (although we were good about washing bottles, it was nice to have extras)

If you are bottle feeding bring enough formula to feed in the car if need be (if you are using premixed keep in mind that you may loose that bottle since you cannot refrigerate in the car.)

Plenty of burp clothes (especially if there is no laundry)

Carrier/stroller

If you have a play chair that the baby likes BRING IT.  We opted not to bring JW's froggie chair and it would have been nice to put him down for a couple minutes somewhere safe and secure, instead of always having to have someone hold him

Leave at home

Bath stuff (are you really going to use it?)

Pack enough clothes to have a couple extra, but not 50 outfits for a long weekend

Dress clothes are fine, but keep in mind pajamas or a nice onsie are so much easier

Bottle warmer (although it is great at home, just microwave some water, its much easier then moving the warmer)

He def didn't need as many toys/books as we brought.  If you are travelling with people he will more than likely get plenty of attention/stimulation

That is my first experience at packing/travelling with babies, but overall it went well.  I am sure the do's/don'ts will get more extensive when we travel with him for longer.  Until then Thanksgiving in VT went great.  Thanks BQ!

(left and below) MW and JW on our quest through Woodstock VT.  He loved the suit, but the hat took some getting used to.  He is going to be a little mountain man before we know it.  O yea did I mention he decided walking around town was a good time to take a nap...yup

( below) JW dressed for Thankgiving in his Mike Holmes suspenders and turkey bib

Money part 2--Unemployment and getting overwhelmed

Throughout MW's pregnancy a recurring question I have heard from many of my guy friends is money. In all fairness I think that MW has heard quite a bit of that too, so it's not just a guy concern. Since MW lost her job and is trying to set up unemployment I figured another Money post would be good.

In this money post I want to touch on two things; Unemployment/losing your job and becoming overwhelmed.

First off lets talk about losing your job. Losing your job at any time can be a crushing thing, losing your job while 32 weeks pregnant is usually devestating. MW and I are lucky becuase I have a good job and because we had planned for her to stop working right after JW is born. That being said it was still a jolt to hear that her company had gone under. Unfortunaetly I was stuck behind an overturned milk truck on my way to board a ship in Montreal (a story for another post), but being stuck behind that milk truck did help me put together what I wish I could do.

The first thing would have been to go home and just chill for a second, let your mind catch up to everything that has happened. Then my next thought would be to not think about money and do something that you know you enjoy. I am not saying to go spend a ton of money going out to eat or something like that, but do something that you know will make you at least a little happy.

After some happy time it is time to sit down and figure out money. FIRST ON YOUR LIST IS FILE FOR UNEMPLOYMENT!! We found out that unemployment can take up to 4 weeks to take effect and a month without any income will be enough to make many people feel a bit sick! Then sit down and see where you can make cut Hopefully you have already put some thought into a budget for after the baby comes, I would use that as your starting point.

If you can make cuts to some of the entertainment and extra spending do it, but you need to remember to do fun things still or else depression can set in. Getting depressed is worse than being poor people so remember to treat yourself right! For MW and I the cuts will come from food. We love to go out to eat and that will just have to take a little break until unemployment kicks in and we can reassess our finances. Instead of a dinner at Sylvan Street Grill, we will just have to have a nice home cooked meal at home.

If you decide you want/need to go back to work then start looking immediately. Collect unemployment as you look and start sending out resumes, as often and as many as you can. Get your name out there, if there is a get together/networking event go to it!

The fundamental fear of losing your job is the lack of money, however that fear is not reserved for those who loose their job. For MW and I one of the two biggest worries/issues during pregnancy (and life for that matter) has been money.

Money is terrifying and that's ok! I really want everyone to know that. Lots of guys take money as their issue, but it's both of your issues guys. Talk to your partner and make sure that expectations are correct for what you can afford, that is the most important thing.

Make sure to support each other as you tackle money issues. If you have a couple trusted friends/family members that you can vent to that is also a plus. Venting to an outside party is always better than blowing up at your partner because of something like money.

Remember you are in this together, just like you are with pregnancy!!

The forgotten member of pregnancy

I have mulled over how to write this post for quite a long time, in fact it is the reason I started this blog in the first place. After a tough couple of weeks I have decided now is as good a time as ever.

MW has been pregnant for 32 and half weeks and has been bombarded with questions from people. How are you feeling? How are your ankles? Are you eating enough? Are you exercising?

I myself, besides by MW herself and one or two friends, have been asked one question. How is MW?

I understand that the mom to be is the main attraction in pregnancy. And that is the way it should be, but people need to remember that the dad to be is going through this as well. It becomes very lonely when people don't really care how you feel. Luckily I have the most amazing wife in the world and she can always tell when I am feeling a bit down and she makes me feel better.

The issues felt by the men are often different than the issues that woman experience. The two biggest issues I have found is that I have zero control over what happens and I have zero identity in this process

The hardest thing I have had to do so far is watch MW go through all of the Gestational Diabetes issues. I have watched her have low numbers (yay), high numbers (boo), and I have consistently had to watch her be disappointed with her morning levels. It is heartbreaking to watch MW be disappointed with something she really has little to no control over. Luckily we had each other and a couple of friends that have really helped her feel better and laugh. No one except for MW and one other friend have asked me if this is having any type of effect on me...unreal.

Often people do not think of men having issues because the woman's hormones have changed so much and they are, rightfully so, a bit hormonal. However I want to put this out there right now, our hormones change too. No its not the same hormonal changes as a woman by far, but its still there. We are scared for no reason, upset for random things, elated at times and down in the dumps at others. So everyone should just remember that before stomping on a dad to be hormonal mindset

The other major issue I have is that people seem to think that all men are so dumb they cant tie their own shoes. I am so sick of people telling me how I am going to have to get used to poop and I don't understand it blah blah. I am not dumb, in fact I think I am a rather clever person. Shit happens, get over it and move on. Yes sometimes I won't want to change diapers or clean up vomit, but I will because that's a parents job. Men can figure out diapers and feedings and temperature and putting a baby to sleep. One of the MILLIONS of things I love about MW is she sees this. She sees how excited I am and understands that I am just as valuable as she is in this process. So thank you for the offer but we will place our changing table where we want, figure out baby placement and sleeping how we want, and expose our baby to things we feel are safe and good for their development. When we want help we will ask for it, don't worry

I am sick of hearing about a woman's "mystical connection" with her child. Your connection with your child is what you get out of it and there are plenty of excited and devoted fathers to be that are itching at the opportunity to learn these things and become part of their babies life. That being said gentleman it is your responsibility to get involved so get off your butts and do it. Be involved in this process, you may find out you really enjoy it. And even if you don't love the poop and pee parts (not sure who really loves that part) Everyone poops and everyone throws up so don't be afraid and get over it.

Now this post sounds like its me rambling, bitching and complaining...which is exactly what it is. Sometimes that happens everyone so get it out, then move on Luckily I have a fantastic wife and a couple great friends who have really tried hard to make sure both of us are doing well.

Lots of guys may not have that, so here is my two cents. You are doing well! If you are scared or nervous that is a good thing! Just keep pushing through and find one or two people who understand you and you can make it through! Despite what 90% of websites say you are wired for this just as much as your significant other is. So go do it!

This is the type of parent you DON'T want to be

This is the type of parent you don't want to be.

This woman is just nuts. First of all she is sexist, a father can know just as much/more than a mother. Just because you are a mom doesn't mean you have some sort of cosmic connection to your child. In fact it's that kind of thinking that leads to being an over powering parent who kids want to rebel against.

Second of all this guy needs to grow up. Your a father for goodness sake, not a second child to your wife. You shouldn't just bow to your spouse, you need to take an active part. Bowing out just means you are to lazy to do the work that comes with being a parent.

You need to share parenting responsibilities. Period. There shouldn't have to be a discussion about this, it's the best thing for your child. Sit down, talk it out and work together to provide the best environment you can for your child. Don't assume that you know more because you are a mom or dad with some sort of strange spiritual bond with your child.